Notes During the Mid-Day Shift: 11-4:30 pm

11 o clock shift

“Most of the time I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m just trying to figure it out and live a life that feels good. And sometimes, that is enough. We tend to put so much pressure on ourselves to be sure and to know the next steps, but at times it can be best to just go with it and learn along the way. No pressure. Just willingness to show up and discover what’s on the other side.” – Alex Elle

I’ve been feeling like this post graduation, but within the last few weeks, Alex’s words have been heavy on my mind and heart. As my life continuously moves forward, I’m constantly thinking about the following: can I afford to pay back student loans working a minimum wage job? Should I take a salary, entry level job because it makes more so I can afford my other expenses (even if it’s not what I have a passion for?) or should I continue working my minimum wage job until I find something better suited for me?

What do I want to do as a career anyway?

What kind of life do I want to live?

What do I like to do in my free time?

Why aren’t I doing it?

Why don’t I know the answer to these questions?

I worry myself constantly about what I should be doing and why my life doesn’t follow a step-by-step manual: Go to college, declare your major, graduate on time, and employers will recognize your abilities and hire you in your desired field. Plus, by this time you’ll have yourself figured out. Yea right. This didn’t happen to me, and I began to panic. I eventually accepted the fact that I, like many of my peers, question our purpose in life and battle with ourselves constantly to find out what that purpose is and how to fulfill it that I forgot to remember that everything isn’t in my control. And I shouldn’t beat myself up over the the things I can’t control. I cant control the fact that my life isn’t falling into place at the rate I want. However, I can control what I choose to do in the midst of my life unfolding. I can choose to focus on my happiness, practice gratitude for the space I’m currently in, and let things happen organically.

While being present in my current state, I choose to control both my mental and physical well-being. I can control what/how I think about myself and how I want my day to progress. If that means saying affirmations to myself or saying a quick prayer, so be it! I can also control the space I live in and how I want it to look (which means I can sweep, dust, de-clutter, re-organize or whatever I need to do to feel free and comfortable). Finally, I am also choosing to control what I put inside my body because being honest, for the past few weeks, I’ve been consuming crappy foods and I’ve been feeling crappy. And yet I’ve been complaining about how I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror: it’s up to me to change that. So, Wednesday, October 11th, 2017 I went grocery shopping and made the decision to buy and cook clean, nutritious meals, and so far so good!

I initially drafted this post October 11th, and prior to the date, I hadn’t been feeling my best as a post graduate or a creator, but since then, my attitude has shifted. This post in itself is a change in attitude! Lately, I haven’t had much inspiration to create because life is happening to me and I’m trying to understand it daily, which means there are times I can’t give my creative spaces all of me. I hadn’t been inspired to blog until October 11th when I scrolled past Alex’s Instagram post and that’s okay —  By the way, she is a lovely, inspirational woman and I encourage you to check out her social media. She’s a mother, an author, and a self care advocate and I hope you find her content inspiring!

For any new readers, I also am a YouTube content creator and lately, I haven’t been inspired to create a video…and that’s okay. As a creator, often we may feel the need to constantly create and if we ever go through a plateau of creative slump, we’re now “bad” creators. No. We’re human. Our lives are complex and sometimes, we just need to let life happen. Like Alex said, with no pressure. Just willingness to show up and discover what’s on the other side.

Have courage. Have willingness. Discover what’s on the other side of your life.

xoxo, Ambria

Side note, this post was hand written at my desk during my mid-day shift and I felt inclined to share my thoughts.

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